Outside and around the corner

Last night I had what maybe was the worst headache of my life. I could barely stand up, I was doubled over with my eyes closed from the pain of it, holding on to the wall of my hallway to go to the bathroom and pee. I felt like I either was having a brain hemorrhage, or was doing some major internal healing. Either way, I just wanted to go back to bed. I downed some pain medicine and shook in bed from the pain, waiting to go to sleep or die or anything. I fell asleep, and slept for 14 hours straight. When I woke up, I felt better. So, I'm gonna go with the whole, "there was some major healing going on in there" hypothesis.

Today was a beautiful day. 78 degrees in late October, sunny, gorgeous leaves blowing everywhere. But it was a special day for another reason too. Today is my baby's 8th birthday. 

I love this child more than anything in the world (except for my other child, of course). I wasn't there today to make special muffins and bring them to his class like I always do. I wasn't there when they sang the "Happy Birthday Cha-Cha-Cha" song to him as a class. I didn't get to see him wear the ridiculous puffy painted HAPPY BIRTHDAY shirt that every birthday kid gets the honor of wearing in class all day. That made me really sad. But Nate went instead, and Levi felt loved and happy. And 8 years old! My goodness, sweetie.

And because it was his birthday and a gorgeous day, and because I'd slept for 14 hours and gotten rid of the headache from hell, I suggested that we all take a tiny walk together. I think everyone was floored that I was up to that. To be honest, I wasn't sure I was up for it. But being out in the sun felt amazing. Like, "Holy shit! There's a whole world outside of my bedroom that I forgot even existed!"

I was so excited, I said we should walk to the playground. (Don't be too impressed, it's maybe 500 feet away.) We crunched the leaves when we walked.

 

 We chatted. I felt a little normal. Sore and wobbly and full of narcotics, but kind of normal. 

 

I watched the kids run around happy and hopped up on sugary birthday muffins. I leaned against Nate, cause my head hurt. I felt like I probably should go back home to bed. But I wanted to stay in the sun and watch my rapscallions do their thang...at least for a couple minutes.

I'm really glad my headache wasn't me dying last night. What would I do without these guys?

After this little 20 minute jaunt, I promptly went home and slept again. I think it will be a long time before I can function like a real person. But baby steps.